Ask Andrew TMI and Other Puzzles

TMI and Other Puzzles

ASK ANDREW

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Q: What do you think of men who share all the details of their romantic relationships with their friends? Isn’t there an age when boys grow out of this?

A: Uh, women do this, too ­– haven’t you seen “Sex and the City?” But really, I think people are always going to share intimate stuff with their best friends, and both genders are guilty. I’m sure some people, however, don’t have the best filter. There’s locker room talk and then there’s oversharing. I’d assume that this type of discussion occurs more during the early stages of a relationship, when friends pry about the dirty details and the guy isn’t as worried about oversharing (or word of the conversation getting back to the girlfriend). But, if a relationship turns long term, I wouldn’t expect the same level of chatter. I’d say if it really becomes an issue, just make sure he knows where you want the line drawn. There might be an age when “boys” officially grow out of it, but I’ll have to let you know when that is. And I’m willing to bet that girls have the same problem.

Q: I’m 27, pregnant and about to marry my baby’s father. We’ve been together for three years and have a really good relationship except for his mom. Without hurting anyone’s feelings, how do I get her to accept that her little boy is all grown up?

A: Ah yes, the classic mother-in-law issue. I should let my wife answer this one. (Just kidding, Mom.) Don’t you know that he’s always going to be her “little boy?” You can’t change that, but I don’t think it should be your job to, either. He should be the one to talk to his mother about what I’m assuming is an issue of space. Maybe he can ask her if she remembers when she was pregnant. Probably the last thing she wanted to deal with was an overbearing mother-in-law. Bottom line – you’re doing enough. It’s his mom, he should do the talking. Then again, if you guys have a boy, make sure you remember all of this when he’s having a baby of his own.

Q: Andrew, cool idea to get a man’s perspective. What do you think about women who always want to bring their girlfriends along on dates with their boyfriends?  My girl is always bringing one or two of her friends whenever we go out.

A: My first reaction is: What’s the issue? You’re walking around town like a boss with two or three women? But, to be honest, I’ve never really heard of or experienced this problem. There has to be some miscommunication at work here. What constitutes a date in this scenario? Does she know it’s a “date?” Because in most people’s minds, that means it will just be the two of you. Maybe you need to phrase it differently. If the plan is just to casually go out for drinks, where you’d naturally expect to meet up with friends, you can’t be too upset. Make sure some of your friends are included, too. Or, if you’re posing it as a romantic date – dinner-and-a-movie kind of night – perhaps you need to make it more obvious. Either the wires are being crossed somewhere here, or she just likes hanging out with her friends more than you. Sorry.