A Social Conflict
You say that she is social, TOO social.
Yet he is social too. A natural leader.
Too blind to see that she is a leader. Clearly.
Already hindered by the twisted view of femaleness.
It’s strength warped by centuries of debasement
and walking two steps to the rear.
The platitudes that descend already, on her young shoulders,
placate with false direction.
It is not she that needs to work on curbing her social acumen,
but us, that need to work on our implicit suppression.
The biases of womanhood that will weigh her down,dragged unseen, are already latched.
We talk of the strides we’ve made, all for her.
And she, thinking herself free, does not understand the drag of the weight
around her wrist when she tries to raise her hand.
The choking when she tries to raise her voice.
With budding breasts and tossing blond hair,
she has been dismissed.
Oh wait. Except for the fact that she is a sexual being.
We will not let her forget that fact.
We brush aside the concept of her as a leader,
which she so clearly is.
To replace it with an image of a sensual temptress,
molded in the memories of Eve and Lilith, Mary and Madonna.
We will remind her that she must cover her indecent body,
curb her smart mouth, and not get ahead of herself.
She will learn to anticipate the passive aggressive putdowns,
the side glances, and the leers.
She will learn to defend herself and her actions.
All energy wasted, when she could be leading.
Should be leading.
Looking forward, engaging and collaborating.
Unhindered, excited and curious.
Confident that when eyes are on her,
they are trying to see into her mind,
and not through her clothes.
So when her teachers tell me that she is too social,
I try to tell her what that means.
What that reveals about the society we live in.
But when I talk, my words come out garbled,
For I am still finding my own voice.
Descended from a long line of feminists (of all genders), Liz Eisele McLellan (she/her) is raising two teenagers in the beautifully diverse city of Westbrook. She is a dancer, activist, and community leader who focuses on taking every day as it comes and remembering that she is enough.
A note from the author about this poem:
A Social Conflict was written in response to comments made about my children during parent/teacher conferences last year. They were both called social, but for my son it was a positive comment and for my daughter a negative one. - Liz Eisele McLellan
